All of the Giancarlo Stanton Home Runs – Part Six

This is it. For now. Giancarlo Stanton has hit 29 home runs so far this year – and I’ve made a gif and a bad joke about each and every one. If you want more Giancarlo Stanton home run gifs, talk to him, not me. On to the last 4 gifs.

Home run #26 – August 20 – off Brad Bergesen – 398 feet

When I was in Grade 8, my entire class each had to write a 5-7 minute speech which then had to be performed in front of the class. Each teacher would then pick the best two from each class, who would then have to perform in front of the entire grade. The best three out of that group would then have to perform at some banquet thing, in front of a bunch of bankers or something. I wrote my speech on “Cheese” so naturally I was selected as one of the three best in my grade. Unfortunately for me, I had a crippling fear of public speaking, so giving the speech in front of progressively larger groups of people was terrifying, at best. So, in a way I know what it feels like to rise through the ranks of the minor leagues. You and I have something in common Giancarlo. What’s that? It’s not the least bit similar? Well I don’t see you writing any award winning speeches, so shut up. That speech thing is true by the way.

Home run #27 – August 24 – off Jamey Wright – 391 feet

You could say that this breaking ball thrown by Jamey Wright “hung up” on him, allowing Stanton to forcibly remove its cover with a wooden bat. You could also assume that even if this breaking ball had done what Jamey Wright wanted it to, there was still a pretty good chance of Stanton knocking it out of the park. From now on, it’s just easier to assume that he will do that to all pitches.

Home run #28 – August 25 – off Clayton Kershaw – 434 feet

Before this at-bat, Stanton had been 2 for 9 in his career against Clayton Kershaw. After this at-bat, Stanton was 3 for 10 with a home run against Clayton Kershaw. This is a fact. I did not make it up.

Home run #29 – August 26 – off Aaron Harang – 437 feet

Look at Aaron Harang right after Stanton makes contact. First, he flinches just a tiny bit, so as to make sure the ball did not come back to the mound and remove his head from his body. Aaron Harang may not have a very good looking head, but he obviously still wants it to remain attached to his body. Second, Harang doesn’t even look backwards for a second. He knows that the ball is gone. Gone like the baseball season will soon be. Damn you, Aaron Harang. Now you’ve made me think about the baseball season ending. I will never forgive you. I’m glad I said that thing earlier about you having a “not-very-good-looking head.”

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed my six part exhaustive study on All of the Giancarlo Stanton Home Runs. Variety called it an emotional thrillride. I made 29 gifs. They add up to about 250 MB of data. Hopefully these posts have not crashed anyone’s network, resulting in their termination. If so, please contact me. Because I would like to hear about it. I will return as soon as Giancarlo Stanton hits another home run. Unless I get lazy.

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