All of the Giancarlo Stanton Home Runs – Part One

Giancarlo Stanton is awesome. He hits mammoth home runs. I have decided to look at each and every home run that Giancarlo Stanton has hit this season, because of those first two things. Gifs are included, so I’m going to break them up into 5 HRs at a time, in an attempt to not bring down whole networks. So, without further ado, here is part one of All of the Giancarlo Stanton Home Runs:

Home run #1 – April 29 – off Mike Zagurski – 425 feet

This was Stanton’s first home run of the season, which somehow did not happen until April 29. “How did Giancarlo Stanton not hit any home runs until April 29th?” you are very likely asking. “Was he injured and not playing or something?” you might add. I can tell you that he had played in 19 games up until that point, but as for the first question, I do not know the answer. It is a mystery. All I know, is that someone named Mike Zagurski, who may or may not have actually been on the Arizona Diamondbacks roster at the time, somehow managed to get up on the mound and pitch to four batters before he was noticed and subsequently removed from the game. “Hey, who is that guy up there on that mound of dirt throwing baseballs towards the plate that just gave up a gargantuan home run to the man formerly known as Mike Stanton?” one imagines Kirk Gibson asking. No one knew.

Home run # 2 – May 1 – off Matt Cain – 369 feet

Stanton’s second home run of the season came just two days after his first, but this one was off of a real major league pitcher, Matt Cain. It could be described as a “rope” to left field. Speaking of rope, does anyone have any that I could borrow? I promise that I won’t use it to strangle anyone.

Home run #3 – May 2 – off Santiago Casilla – 380 feet

Stanton’s third home run of the season came on the very next night. It was the winning run in the 10th inning of a game against the Giants. Santiago Casilla was quoted with the following statement right after serving up the bomb: “Fuck!”

Home run #4 – May 4 – off Anthony Bass – 429 feet

Stanton’s fourth home run of the season came at Petco Park in San Diego. It was reportedly the first home run hit by anyone in Petco Park since 2007. No child under the age of five who lives in San Diego had ever witnessed a home run hit in person until Giancarlo Stanton came to town.

Home run #5 – May 5 – off Miles Mikolas – 373 feet

This is now the second instance of a fan running onto the pitcher’s mound to pitch to Giancarlo Stanton. One wonders why security did not stop Zagurski and Mikolas on their way out to the mound or how they got such convincing uniforms. These are not questions that I can answer, but Miles Mikolas, professional accountant, can now forever say that he gave up Giancarlo Stanton’s 61st career homerun. He got so caught up in the act of being a major league pitcher that he even adjusted his groin region right after Stanton annihilated the baseball he had thrown. He thinks he’s a real baseball player!

This concludes part one of All of the Giancarlo Stanton Home Runs. Come back tomorrow for part two!


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